It just seemed that we got lost for awhile. Like I love love, I love the idea of love and everything about it. 

But things got messy. We lost parts of ourselves. 

Like I really like sleeping with music at night. It makes me feel so much better. It reminds me better times. Times when you first stayed at my house. The beginning. 

I think that’s one of my problems. I do a lot of things to remind me of the past. I have a hard time letting go and learning new things.  Most of my favorites have been my favorites of many years. I listen to the same songs, I like the same sneakers, I like the same foods. A lot of people like change, but I don’t. 

I’m not sure what happened in a past life to make me the way I am now. I don’t mean to be so needy, really. I just don’t have any control over it.

It’s like whenever I’m around you I turn into a puppet, free to be used for your amusement.

I think it’s human instinct that we try to hold on to something tighter when we know we’re going to lose it. As if having it in a choke  hold could really do any good? Yet, here I am, trying to squeeze any last sign of life out of this in hopes it will stop you.

It’s not your fault. This image I have, this facade; has been masterfully crafted. Every brick has been hand made and carefully placed to build this wall I have surrounding me. It’s safe here, no one is capable of getting in. I could go to war with the Romans right now and I’d come out on top; that’s how secure this domain is. The only issue with that, though, is it’s the complete opposite of what I want. This wall that’s been built was only ever put in place in hopes someone would try to tear it down. But after all this time, no bulldozers or cannonballs, not even a bb gun has been taken to it. So here it stands.

I get it though. I’m difficult, I’m selfish, I’m ungrateful. I don’t blame anyone for never making an attempt, I sure as hell wouldn’t.

But still, somewhere inside I hoped, prayed that you would see past it. Just maybe you could see that flashing S.O.S. through the cracks in the wall.

But I understand, you don’t deserve this. You never did anything wrong so why should you have to put up with my shit? Exactly.

I’ll be okay though. I always am. People come and go, it’s life. I will just continue to stay in my castle. Built for one. It’s the safest place to be.